Episode 16 - Live At The London Agriculture Festival

Josie Long, Mike Wozniak, Tom Crowley and Martin Austwick join in for this month’s episode, which was recorded live in front of an audience at the London Agriculture Festival.

Characters

 * The Host
 * Julie from Bristol (letter)
 * Francis in Kent (letter)
 * Quentin from Surrey (letter)
 * Jim Crayfish
 * Glen Onion
 * Les Cheese
 * Jenny Baulder MBE
 * Sid Onion (mentioned)

Actors

 * Benjamin Partridge
 * Mike Wozniak
 * Josie Long
 * Martin Austwick
 * Tom Crowley

Leave the Door Ajar
I'm not gonna mince my words

Set the onion free

His only crime is passion

For delicious British beef and dairy

He's in a pickle, there's so much at stake

So warden let me say

There's a pint of semi skimmed for you

If you look the other way

So jailer, jailer, jailer

Won't you leave the door ajar

Laughter used to echo

Around the British Beef Council Dinner and Barn Dance

But now this onion just brings us tears

Surely he's got a chance?

He's a man of many layers

And he's probably not to blame

For all the crimes his lawyers

Would prefer me not to name

So jailer, jailer, jailer

Won't you leave the door ajar

[Spoken]

Hello, Les Cheese here

Legend of traditional, old fashioned, honest, wholesome and sometimes blue entertainment

Most well known for my part in popular double act Cheese and Onion

In recent years, the act's come in from quite a bit of stick from so-called "modern comedians" with their political correctness and inability to tap dance

What they fail to appreciate is that what me and Sid did with Cheese and Onion was actually very clever, and operated on a number of levels

It's like Pixar, there's something for the adults and something for the kiddies

So the adults can enjoy the searing sexual innuendo while the kiddies simply enjoy a charming song about a farmer washing a sausage in a stream

As you may note, Sid, my double act partner, has now been in prison in Turkey for two years

In order to get Sid out I started a Kickstarter

''Have you heard about these? It's brilliant''

Basically you have any old idea and then people give you money and then in return you promise them rewards which are basically like any old shit, which they'll never end up getting anyway

So please, donate today

All donations over £5 will receive a signed photo of me meeting Princess Margaret

Donate over £10 and I'll throw in a DVD of my ill-fated collaboration with the English National Opera

This money will be used to bribe Turkish officials and prison guards, and any money we don't get round to using will go towards funding my crippling vets bills, and anything after that will go to the Biafran National Front

Please give today

And jailor, please leave the door ajar

So jailer, jailer, jailer

Won't you leave the door ajar

Won't you leave the door ajar

Won't you leave the door ajar

For Sid Onion please